I have abandoned so many websites

It’s almost hard to confront. The sense of dread that accompanies each abandoned project is miniscule but seem to build up into something tangible. Is this just it? Endless todos and ideas and tasks and chores and never finishing? Probably.

The problem is that starting is fun. I get ideas down that I hadn’t gotten down before --- something new. But sticking to something… well, we’ll see.

Each site I make is some spark of a scheme I’ve crafted up. When I first created my personal website it was a scheme to play with web design. When I re-did it in university, it was a scheme to try and seem more desireable to employers. Later, I created a password-protected website for my essay drafts. The scheme there was that removing the visibility (but still keeping the ‘publish’ step) would let me write with abandon.

This website has a few schemes. One, which I hope to write further about soon, is to explore earlier web experiences. The other (which is why this exists as a blog) is to have a little semi-private corner to shout into. Not quite as private as my drafts, which feel truly inert behind their lock and key, but still likely to go forever unnoticed.

I guess the real pain, that aggregated dread, comes from the nostalgia of looking back on that cool idea, with the hindsight of how it played out. Not even that it went wrong, just… fizzled. There is nothing sadder than a lack of life inhabiting the ideas you once championed so passionately.

So here I am starting another thing to-be-abandoned.